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Evil Little Bastard v2.0

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fiction [May. 11th, 2014|05:49 pm]
Evil Little Bastard v2.0
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I was on my third (fifth? Definitely a prime number, I wasn't that far gone) Scotch of the evening; Cheryl was still nursing her first.

"Magic is like painting, anyone can do it."

She half-glared at me. "Right."

"No, really, what's so difficult about it? Apply paint to brush, apply brush to canvas. Voila, you're painting."

"There's more to it than that." Did I mention that Cheryl paints? Good enough for some of the local galleries, so naturally, she's assuming I'm taking the piss at her expense. I turned to look at her.

"Yes there is, and no there isn't, Cheryl." I grinned a bit. "Anyone can paint. It takes practice, skill and skill to paint well. It takes imagination to be good at it."

"Take that painting you showed me the other day. The one with the ravens... Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but that's not normally your thing, is it?"

She frowned, "No, it's not. I'm not really sure why I painted that. I just did. I'd been planning on doing something in that crap commercial style that sells well in the 5th street gallery. But I found myself painting that instead."

"See? Imagination. It doesn't always come from our conscious mind. Hell, I could barely paint a straight line, and even if I had the skill, I don't think I could have produced what you did." I had to be careful here. The painting was hanging a room away, and you never know who's listening, but I had to get to the bottom of this before...

Let's just say before something bad happened. Before Cheryl painted what comes after the ravens.
--------------------
Author's note: Nope, no fucking clue where this came from. And I don't think I want to know what comes after the ravens.

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riiiiight [Mar. 27th, 2014|08:03 am]
Evil Little Bastard v2.0
Chris Christie expects that the people he's paid to see if he did anything wrong are going to exonerate him. Funny how that works, huh?

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the fuck? [Mar. 20th, 2014|07:53 pm]
Evil Little Bastard v2.0
Alabama has passed a medical marijuana bill.

I would have bet money that they'd be one of the last states to do so.

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nifty [Mar. 11th, 2014|11:52 pm]
Evil Little Bastard v2.0
The Mystery Soda Machine of Seattle, Washington.

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(no subject) [Mar. 11th, 2014|07:07 pm]
Evil Little Bastard v2.0
Assuming nothing changes between now and then, by late Thursday afternoon, I will have a car.

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I... what? [Mar. 9th, 2014|02:54 pm]
Evil Little Bastard v2.0
So, the Ukraine is going to shit, and Rand Paul (who won the coveted "doesn't mean a fucking thing" CPAC straw poll) thinks in response we should drill for oil everywhere we can in the U.S.

Yes, his foreign policy is to drill for more oil here.

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What [Mar. 4th, 2014|08:29 am]
Evil Little Bastard v2.0
George Will claims that LGBT are being 'sore winners' over Arizona's "discrimination masked as religious freedom" bill.

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Always remember this [Feb. 26th, 2014|07:59 am]
Evil Little Bastard v2.0
Conservatives protect our religious freedom, as long as you don't choose to be free from religion.

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Damn [Feb. 25th, 2014|07:18 pm]
Evil Little Bastard v2.0
So what does it say about that Arizona bill that would legalize discrimination based on religious beliefs that even Mitt Romney thinks it should be vetoed?

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Hello Darwin Award [Feb. 25th, 2014|07:15 pm]
Evil Little Bastard v2.0
Gun safety is your friend.

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Work that job security! [Feb. 24th, 2014|08:15 am]
Evil Little Bastard v2.0
Clarence Thomas has now gone eight years without asking a question during oral arguments.

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This just in [Feb. 20th, 2014|08:11 pm]
Evil Little Bastard v2.0
[Tags|]

Arizona state Senate Republicans are insane.

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ooookay [Feb. 19th, 2014|12:00 am]
Evil Little Bastard v2.0
Utah Republican thinks we could go with twice as much CO2 in the air as we have now.

I'm torn on this one. It's either because he's the walking dead (seriously, look at that picture of him), or because the increased CO2 is what is required by his alien species (no, seriously, look at that picture of him.)

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Is anyone surprised? [Feb. 16th, 2014|09:52 pm]
Evil Little Bastard v2.0
Snake handling preacher dies of snakebite... after refusing treatment.

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'kay [Feb. 14th, 2014|11:00 pm]
Evil Little Bastard v2.0
We had an earthquake. Little baby one, only a 4.4

I have to say, I didn't know it was an earthquake at first... I thought it was just the asshole upstairs moving more shit around in the middle of the damn night.

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Because the system isn't weighted towards them enough as it is [Feb. 14th, 2014|07:57 am]
Evil Little Bastard v2.0
Tom Perkins (yeah, that asshole) has suggested that the very rich should get more votes than other people. He's possibly not joking.

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In the dictionary, under hypocrite [Feb. 13th, 2014|03:27 pm]
Evil Little Bastard v2.0
Dean Heller (R-NV) didn't think that Ted Cruz should filibuster the debt ceiling bill, before Heller himself went on to filibuster the debt ceiling bill.

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He's not clear on the subject [Feb. 12th, 2014|09:00 am]
Evil Little Bastard v2.0
Republican (because who else?) politician believes that Obamacare shouldn't provide reproductive coverage because he and his wife are 'fixed'.

Under that logic, because he's got his head up his ass, Obamacare should completely cover colonoscopies.

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oookay [Feb. 12th, 2014|12:11 am]
Evil Little Bastard v2.0
Catholic hospital receptionist tells couple that atheists shouldn't be allowed to reproduce.

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daaaaaaamn [Feb. 10th, 2014|07:07 pm]
Evil Little Bastard v2.0
In what is sure to be that organization's biggest health and safety violation, the "Spring 2014 class" of Achmed's School of Suicide Bombers has 'let out early'.

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*sigh* [Feb. 9th, 2014|10:41 pm]
Evil Little Bastard v2.0
Stay classy, Republicans.

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So... [Feb. 9th, 2014|11:53 am]
Evil Little Bastard v2.0
Recently, on Facebook, I saw a carefully crafted image macro explaining that, no, the U.S. is not a theocracy.

And that's technically correct. We only have 'In God We Trust' on all our paper money, we have 'Under God' in the Pledge of Allegiance, and there are laws in seven states (unconstitutional laws, mind you) saying that you cannot hold public office in those states unless you believe in God.

But we are not a theocracy.

But we do have plenty of would-be theocrats. Like this lady from Michigan, who's running for a seat in the Republican National Committee, who thinks all gays should be expelled from the Republican party, and that homosexuality is of Satan.

Yeah.

You know, at this point, I'm not sure why there would still be any gay people in the Republican party, considering how most of the Republican politicians are treating them.

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Well, at least they're honest about it [Feb. 6th, 2014|07:37 pm]
Evil Little Bastard v2.0
Russian officials claim that the hotels that journalists are staying in aren't nearly as bad as the journalists say. They know this, because they are spying on the journalists.

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uh huh [Feb. 5th, 2014|08:12 am]
Evil Little Bastard v2.0
The IOC President, Thomas Bach, is pissed that some world leaders are using the Sochi Olympics as a 'political platform'.

Yeah, because this Olympics is the first time that's ever happened.

Dear Mr. Bach: Go fuck yourself.

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Well, damn... [Feb. 5th, 2014|08:06 am]
Evil Little Bastard v2.0
CVS is going to stop selling tobacco products.

That's going to cost them some business.

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This just in... [Feb. 1st, 2014|01:03 am]
Evil Little Bastard v2.0
Ann Romney is still butt-hurt over not being First Lady.

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I've said this a lot, I know [Jan. 30th, 2014|03:02 pm]
Evil Little Bastard v2.0
AFK, have to go punch a man inna face.

I am getting very tired of these assholes.

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So... [Jan. 22nd, 2014|09:30 pm]
Evil Little Bastard v2.0
I haven't posted in the last week and change because my room-mate has been in hospital. He's getting better (he's already cranky and wanting to leave), but it's going to be at least a few more days before he can.

A friend of his has set up a donation page to help defray his bills. I know times are still tight for a lot of people, so I don't expect that everyone who reads this will have the inclination and ability to donate, but I'm boosting the signal, as it were.

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(no subject) [Jan. 11th, 2014|11:00 pm]
Evil Little Bastard v2.0
After watching the premiere of Helix on SyFy last night, I have to ask... why did so many characters who are supposed to be intelligent keep taking the Idiot Ball and running with it?

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Oookay [Jan. 7th, 2014|11:24 pm]
Evil Little Bastard v2.0
That was an interesting episode of Agents of SHIELD.

A couple theories shot down, and a couple mysteries still going.

I still am trying to figure out who "The Clairvoyant" could be. (And is he a psychic or is all his information gathering done through the eyeball attachments?)

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So... [Jan. 6th, 2014|08:09 am]
Evil Little Bastard v2.0
Lindsey Graham isn't alone in claiming endorsements from people who didn't endorse him. Graham at least had the sense to only claim endorsements from people who were still alive....

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They turn on their own [Jan. 5th, 2014|11:03 pm]
Evil Little Bastard v2.0
Peter King (R-NY) thinks Rand Paul (R-KY) doesn't deserve to be in the Senate because Rand Paul is opposed to some of the NSA's surveillance programs.

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heh [Jan. 4th, 2014|12:43 pm]
Evil Little Bastard v2.0
Mike Huckabee wants everyone to know... he has not endorsed Lindsey Graham for reelection, despite what Graham's been pulling in commercials.

Can't say I blame Huckabee. Graham's a dickhead.

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Have fun with that [Jan. 4th, 2014|12:38 pm]
Evil Little Bastard v2.0
A Utah man has started a hunger strike to protest gay marriage in Utah. He plans to stay on the hunger strike until it's no longer allowed.

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It might be a little early to call it, but... [Jan. 2nd, 2014|07:05 pm]
Evil Little Bastard v2.0
We might have an IgNobel winner here: Dogs prefer to poop in alignment with the Earth's magnetic field.

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Am I in Bizarro-world? [Jan. 2nd, 2014|06:07 pm]
Evil Little Bastard v2.0
Glenn Beck claims he will 'Stand with GLAAD' against Russia's 'Hetero-Fascism'.

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yay! [Jan. 1st, 2014|10:39 pm]
Evil Little Bastard v2.0
New season of Mythbusters starts this Saturday.

They're starting with Star Wars myths.

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Surprising no one [Dec. 31st, 2013|05:34 pm]
Evil Little Bastard v2.0
Utah is pleading with the Supreme Court "Please stop gay marriage in our state! It is a terrible calamity that consenting adults who are gay have the same rights as consenting adults that are straight.

Over 900 gay couples have gotten married since the judicial decision that allowed it, and Utah is very afraid that God (or the Mormon version thereof) will soon swallow the state into a pit of darkness, or send giant spiders to attack it, if something isn't done to stop this outbreak of equality.

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wha? [Dec. 31st, 2013|12:17 pm]
Evil Little Bastard v2.0
From the "You just cannot make this shit up department":

Phil Robertson (the Duck Dynasty guy), back in 2009, at a Christian retreat, said that what guys should look for in a wife is someone who can cook, someone who carries a Bible, and oh yeah, she should be about 15 or 16. (Presumably, the guys looking to get hitched should be around the same age, although that's not entirely clear. He does seem to indicate that waiting until you're 20 to get married might be a touch late.)

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I'd say that clinches it [Dec. 30th, 2013|07:11 pm]
Evil Little Bastard v2.0
In what is no doubt one step towards declaring that he's going to be running for the Republican nomination for President, Ted Cruz is going to renounce his Canadian citizenship.

And all of Canada is relieved.

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.... [Dec. 27th, 2013|11:46 pm]
Evil Little Bastard v2.0
Texas Pastor tells atheists to "Get on a plane and leave the country."

South Carolina atheist tells Texas pastor to go fuck himself.

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What a shock [Dec. 26th, 2013|07:45 pm]
Evil Little Bastard v2.0
So, it turns out that something that I thought was a bad idea is turning out to be a bad idea.

Let me explain.

When I first moved into this building (many years ago), if the mailman or UPS or FedEx or whoever dropped off something for you that didn't fit in your mailbox, the building office took the package, left you a note about it, and when you picked up the package from the office, you had to sign for it.

A few years ago, that sort of morphed into "the packages are in the office, and if you ask, they'll let you check to see if you have anything". (No notices about packages any more.)

Several weeks ago, THAT turned into "the table that the packages are stored on is now out by the mailboxes, where anyone who can get into the building, resident or otherwise, can get to them". You know, operating on the trust system, because all humans are good and noble people who would never, especially during the holidays, take someone's mail that didn't belong to them.

Today, my roommate heard someone complaining about packages that had been delivered to the building, that they never got because apparently someone took them. This is, of course, completely unprecedented, and there is no way that anyone could have foreseen such a thing happening.

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heh [Dec. 23rd, 2013|10:34 pm]
Evil Little Bastard v2.0
[Tags|]

I have to imagine Darren Young has been told "This is Austin" a couple dozen times by people backstage now.

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saw this on FB, had to share [Dec. 21st, 2013|11:47 pm]
Evil Little Bastard v2.0



ahahahahaahhahahahahaha

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well then [Dec. 21st, 2013|11:50 am]
Evil Little Bastard v2.0
[Tags|]

Utah is currently allowing gay marriage. I have to wonder how long this will last.

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This takes the cake. [Dec. 20th, 2013|10:39 pm]
Evil Little Bastard v2.0
Ian Bayne, who is running for Congress, has compared Phil Robertson to Rosa Parks. Yes, Mr. Bayne is a Republican. Are you shocked?

Okay, Mr. Bayne... let's get a few things straight.

Rosa Parks was an icon of civil rights. Phil Robertson makes duck calls.

Rosa Parks was a victim of prejudice and racism. Phil Robertson made comments comparing gay sex to bestiality, and said black people seemed happy before the civil rights movement.

And yet, Mr. Bayne seems to think that Christians in the United States are victims of persecution. Hrm. Let's take a look. Are Christians in the United States being lynched for being Christian? No?

Are Christians in the United States forced to attend sub-standard schools? No?

Are Christians in the United States regularly denied the right to vote? Are they regularly threatened with violence for attempting to vote?

In fact, are Christians under any real attack in the United States? (No, the fucking "War on Christmas" does not count.) No?

Well, gee, Mr. Bayne, I'd have to say that no, Phil Robertson is not, in fact, the Rosa Parks of Christian society in the United States.

In short, shut the entire fuck up, Mr. Bayne.

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And we're still here [Dec. 17th, 2013|06:44 pm]
Evil Little Bastard v2.0
Harold Camping, doomsday preacher extraordinaire, has snuffed it. He has rung the bell and joined the Choir Invisible, etc. etc. and so forth.

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so... [Dec. 15th, 2013|11:40 pm]
Evil Little Bastard v2.0
Saw "Hobbit 2: Electric Boogaloo" (or if you prefer, "Hobbit 2: Hobbit Harder")

Pretty good movie. I really only disliked one part, just for the cheesiness of it.

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Creepy. And neat. [Dec. 14th, 2013|02:25 pm]
Evil Little Bastard v2.0


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Fuck you,Trump [Dec. 13th, 2013|08:16 am]
Evil Little Bastard v2.0
The woman who certified President Obama's birth certificate died in a tragic accident, and all Donald Trump can do is be an asshole.

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